


Reverse Redux

by lein



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Multi, Nonbinary Naoto, Nonbinary Souji, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-25 20:32:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3824152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lein/pseuds/lein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji’s eyes are wide, a hand is clutched in their hair. Yosuke takes that as his cue to throw an arm over their shoulders, smiles wide, and cracks a joke about how Izanagi probably just had to use the restroom. His partner sends him an exasperated grin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> ahaha. wow. i haven't written anything in a long while but i've had this idea floating around my head for a long while. this whole thing is probably going to be a huge character study for me. as for pairings in this? they will be pretty subtle for the most part. this will also most likely be the only chapter written in third person, the following ones will be in second.

Following Adachi’s defeat and capture in December, it’s implied there won’t be another reason to return to the Television World. It takes the team by surprise when Souji, freshly over a cold, calls them to Junes and suggests they take another trip in.

Teddie’s the first one to agree, says he smelt something fishy the last time he was there, and that’s enough to send a ripple of agreement throughout the rest of the group.

The backlot is the same as ever, cold and unforgiving, when Yosuke lands on it. Months of coming here have hardened his reflexes enough for him to land, mostly, on his feet. He doesn’t think he’ll ever truly master the landing.

Rise speaks, clear enough for the group to turn and look towards her. “Something’s different, don’t you think?”

Teddie nods. “My head feels like it’s full of cotton.” 

“That’s because you’re a stuffed bear, Teddie.”

But Yosuke can understand what Teddie’s trying to convey. There’s something there in his head when he tries to reach for his Persona. Susano-ou isn’t there, he can’t feel him and he tells the rest of the Investigation Team as much. Chie is the first to comment with a nicely summed up, “You’re probably just going crazy,” and then shrugs like it’s no big deal. Yosuke wants to hit her.

He doesn’t.

“I’m serious Chie,” he says, crossing his arms. “I can feel something? But it doesn’t feel like Susano-ou. It feels like a wall. I feel like if I could break it, then I’d be able to sense my Persona better.”

Naoto voices an assent. “I feel the same way. There seems to be something blocking us from accessing our Personas. I wonder if what Teddie felt last time he was here has to do with this.” They look towards Teddie. He nods once more. “Teddie can try to sniff out what bothered me last time. Rise-chan, can you help me?”

She smiles and calls out to Kanzeon. It fails. Her smile falls and she tries again, feeling whatever link she can.

Minutes pass and Yosuke can feel himself getting more and more anxious. No one says anything. 

A flash of light and…

Nothing. “Why isn’t it working?!” Yosuke can feel the panic setting in quicker now, the whole group getting progressively more and more jumpy.

Souji’s quiet, hasn’t said anything since they came to the backlot. They only speak once everyone turns to question.

“Izanagi. I can’t feel him at all. I can feel all of the others, just. Not him.”

Souji’s eyes are wide, a hand is clutched in their hair. Yosuke takes that as his cue to throw an arm over their shoulders, smiles wide, and cracks a joke about how Izanagi probably just had to use the restroom. His partner sends him an exasperated grin. “Let’s go then. Ted, lead the way.”


	2. floor ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tenth floor is colder, more tense in it’s feeling. There’s only one hallway that stretches the length of the building with one door primly stationed in the middle of it. The walls are nearly striped of their paper, it lays in goopy piles against the side of the corridor. You can see blood, like someone scraped their fingers into the concrete of the walls repeatedly. It makes you shiver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the switch has been made to second person. please keep that in mind.

The apartment building that looms before you is, to put it lightly, eerie. The outside is dark, concrete and barren. You hate it the minute you lay eyes on it. You hate it even more when Teddie says he smells strong shadows.

He says they smell vaguely familiar. The way he says it makes you feel worse and you take a moment to collect yourself before stepping forward. “We’ll go in together. I have this feeling that we shouldn’t split up.”

The rest of the team looks towards you and nods. You keep a steady hand on your sword and cross the threshold.

It’s cold, you notice. It’s cold and lonely in the apartment’s lobby and it instantly reminds you of how many times you’ve seen this sight. The floorplan and furniture vary with each new building but the feeling is always the same, isolation mixed with apprehension. You feel sick.

“Senpai?” Kanji questions, “You doin’ alright? You look a little pale.”

You give him a small smile and lead them down the first corridor you find. It’s small, lined with doors on each side. You checked one and found a normal but small living space. It’s bare and dark but nothing that you haven’t seen before. The walls of the hallway are covered with peeling wallpaper, the floors are a bare concrete. The ceiling fixtures barely give off light. You don’t see any shadows, Teddie doesn’t smell any; he says the big ones are higher up.

You find a staircase and climb. You try not to think about what this place means.

The next eight floors are carbon copies of each other, hallways stretch out in predictable patterns, the stairs are the only things that shift. You’re pretty sure if you checked the tears in the wallpaper, they’d be the same too. You make your way up the staircase again.

The tenth floor is colder, more tense in it’s feeling. There’s only one hallway that stretches the length of the building with one door primly stationed in the middle of it. The walls are nearly striped of their paper, it lays in goopy piles against the side of the corridor. You can see blood, like someone scraped their fingers into the concrete of the walls repeatedly. It makes you shiver.

Teddie tells you something’s behind that door. You adjust your grip on your sword as you open it.

The room is large, larger than the apartment you checked out on the first floor. It’s eerily reminiscent of the secret laboratory, and when you take in the room you finally notice it.

Them.

It’s Naoto, or rather their shadow. They stand near one of the walls engrossed in a monitor that hangs there and when they turn to face you with a blank look on their face you can’t but think that you’re not exactly right.

The shadow is different, you notice, now that you can see them better. They wear no hat and have traded in their labcoat and tie for a white long sleeve decorative shirt; it hangs loosely around their thighs. Two gold ropes connect on either side of the garment. You can see epaulettes decorating their shoulders. A thin rapier sits on a nearby table.

Naoto is the first one of the team to step forward. Their gun is cocked and ready to fire. You know they won’t hesitate to shoot if they sense danger.

You clear your throat. “What is this place?”

The shadow turns their face towards you, eyes are cold and calculating and you think they can see right through you. “You should know better than anyone.” They step forward and pay no mind to the gun Naoto raises to their head. They place a hand (a sleeve?) to your cheek. You don’t flinch; you’re too engrossed in the look the shadow is giving you, like you’re someone important. “It’s okay to be childish. We can play detective if you really don’t-”

You close your eyes the same minute Naoto finally chooses to pull the trigger. You feel the bullet rush by your face as the shadow moves back, probably rushing to grab their rapier. They’re standing around you, the whole team, when you open your eyes. Yosuke and Naoto have their backs to you and, for a second, you’re scared for the shadow. You barely register Naoto hissing at them to never touch you again.

Naoto’s shadow stands on the other side of the room, rapier in hand. They’re shrieking, shaking. You think they’re crying. “Senpai’s important to me! I wouldn’t hurt them! Not after all they helped me with!” There’s a loud clattering as they drop their weapon to clutch at their hair. “Ugh! Why would I hurt them?!”

“Everyone put down your weapons.” You can feel the questioning glances that are thrown in your direction; you keep your eyes trained forward as you lean down to place your sword on the floor. “Please. They’re unarmed.”

You step out from behind Yosuke and Naoto and make your way towards the shadow. They’ve stopped pulling at their scalp and you can’t help but pull them close. They cling to your arms.

“I believe you. You won’t hurt me. We’re,” You take a moment to collect your thoughts as the shadow looks up towards you. Their eyes are gold and puffy. They’re still crying. “We’re just confused. We don’t really know this place is for.”

“You have an idea.”

“Yeah.”

“They want to see you; you have to go up further.”

You nod. “The rest of them won’t attack us, right?”

The shadow in your arms closes their eyes, lays their head on your chest. “That’s right.” They pull away a few second later. “We won’t attack you unless you threaten them. But they just want to talk. They said they’re tired of fighting.”

“Thank you.”

The shadow nods, casts a glance at the rest of the group, and shows you to a door hidden behind a tapestry. You wave the team forward. Teddie grabs your sword.

Naoto waits toward the back of the group and turns to their shadow before they leave. “Are you having fun here?”

The shadow smiles brightly. “Yes.”

“I’m glad then.” 

You follow Naoto out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes the first confrontation. i re-read this like twice and i'm relatively happy with it but... shrug


	3. floor fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something grabs your foot, you yelp and try to resist the urge to stomp on the hand that is curled around your ankle. A flake of skin flutters to the ground as the hand uses you to pull itself out of the floor.

Chie turns to you the minute you step out. You can tell she’s livid. You aren’t surprised. It’s justified. You’re expecting the team to yell at you, to chew you out for putting yourself in a dangerous situation. “What the hell was that?! You could’ve gotten yourself seriously harmed!” 

Naoto clears their throat and holsters their gun. Yosuke speaks up instead. “Hey, I’m not saying that wasn’t a totally shady situation but right now I’m more interesting in the fact that the shadow said Souji had an idea of what this place is for.” He pauses and looks around. “You all did catch that, right?”

“We did,” comes Yukiko’s answer. She has her hand pressed against Chie’s shoulder.

Teddie hands you your sword. “What’s going on, Sensei?”

Seven pairs of eyes look in your direction and you’re nervous. You stare at the floor. “I-” You shake your head. “I’m not completely sure yet. I think, though, that it’s probably my shadow that wants to talk.”

Kanji claps a heavy hand on your back, pushing you forward a few steps as you catch your balance. “We’re here for you, Senpai. I mean, you had to hear all of our shit.” You can’t help but laugh at how earnest he is. “We’re heading up, right? If your shadow wants to talk, they’ve probably been waiting forever.” 

“Yeah. Up we go.”

Five more floors finds you at one very similar to the floor you met Naoto’s shadow. It’s darker though, one dim light hangs precariously from the ceiling above the only door in the hallway. You can’t tell if the wallpaper has been torn. You aren’t surprised when Teddie tells you there’s another shadow here. You wonder whose it’ll be this time as you enter the room.

You see nothing. Just dark inky blackness, no figure is visible and when you turn towards the rest of the Investigation Team you know that it isn’t because of a lack of light. Something grabs your foot, you yelp and try to resist the urge to stomp on the hand that is curled around your ankle. A flake of skin flutters to the ground as the hand uses you to pull itself out of the floor. 

It’s Teddie.

He’s nothing like what you saw at the Striptease, instead a human shape greets you. He’s clad in what looks to be a tattered nightgown, the right sleeve hangs over his hand; it’s covered in some sort of red stain. There’s a crudely done bullseye made of paint on the left side of the garment. You note absently that it’s right over where his heart would be (do shadows have hearts? you’re not sure). There’s a gash on his right leg and he’s littered with bruises; there are dark patches on his limbs. You wonder how long his skin has been falling off. 

The shadow sits, crumpled over himself. He makes no move to stand or even to look up.

The room is silent. You don’t know what to say.

Teddie is the first to speak up. “Why are you here?”

His shadow turns his face up; his eyes glitter a vicious gold. “I don’t know.” There’s a rasp to his voice, a darker edge that Teddie doesn’t have. “Why is anyone here? Why do you all continue to try and strive for something you will never find?”

He stands, a flake of skin falls to the floor. “I am here because I must. They wish to not be alone and I suppose I can sympathize. Why are you here?” He pauses and nods. “You wish to seek the reason for this building. Why do you care? Is it not enough to live blissfully unaware? Will you come running to this place every time you feel there is something wrong? Have you ever stopped to think that the truth you so seek gets more and more muddled the more you ‘investigate?’ If there really is a reason for everything as you so believe, will it really satisfy you once you find it? I wonder.”

You can’t help but think it’s like talking to a broken record. 

“What good comes from this foolish endeavor? You will only end up hurt in the end.”

Beside you, Chie taps her foot. “Who cares? I mean, I don’t understand half the crap you’re saying but does it really matter? We seek the truth because we want to and if anyone of us get hurt, we’ll help them! There’s obviously a reason why this stupid place is here and that’s enough for us to wonder about it!”

Rise hums in approval. “Even if the truth gets more and more muddled as we figure out more, we’ll just piece everything together again. Besides, we can’t just ignore someone in need, right Senpai?” She turns to you and smiles.

You nod. “Human curiosity is quite potent.”

The shadow sneers. “Your feeble ‘human curiosity’ will be your downfall one day.”

“So be it.”

He sends you a look of disgust and waves his hand. A door appears. The group files toward it, you don’t. You’re curious.

“If you think that nothing has meaning, then why? Why do you stay here?”

Gold eyes latch onto yours. “I already answered that question, I am here because I must.” He takes a step closer to you, you can feel the eyes of everyone else carefully watching the two of you. “We are the same, you and I. We have no true place in this world, we remain as we are needed.”

And with that, you turn and walk through the door. You don’t want to hear anymore.

The others are quick to follow you out.

Outside, Teddie’s the first to toddle up to you, he wraps his short bear arms around you as well as he can and you’re thankful. 

Yosuke shifts, rocks his balance onto his other leg. It catches you eye. “So, what now Partner?”

You cock your head just slightly, still holding Teddie against you. He makes no move to leave. Yosuke continues, “Do you want to continue or…?” There’s something in the way he says it that makes you think that he’d be okay with anything you want; you realize that if you said you were leaving right now to never come back, no one would blame you. 

“I…” You pause and try to choose your words carefully. “I think it would be a bad idea to leave.”

Yosuke makes eye contact, looks only at you. “Do you want to continue?” 

You don’t. “Yes.”

His eyes narrow but he doesn’t question it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've got a good chunk of the next chapter done but i figure i should probably work on my essays hmm... yay finals... anyways! i am always willing to talk about this au 
> 
> pls bother me on tumblr @ fay-fluorite


	4. floor seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is in awe when you present the bed in it’s full glory. It’s only when Yukiko starts to clap and everyone joins that you realize a good chunk of the team has probably never seen a real pull out couch before.

You remember Teddie mentioned once that time in the television doesn’t pass the same as it does outside. You never really stopped to think what that meant but you remember it nonetheless as you walk up yet another staircase. The door at the top proudly displays the number seventeen.

Yukiko suggests that you all take advantage of the living spaces that litter the floor. You can’t help but agree, your feet are killing you. Naoto’s a little wary until Teddie reassures them that there aren’t any shadows on this floor. You all stumble into the nearest door.

It looks the same as the one you looked into on the first floor, clean and barely touched. The lights are dim, you hardly care as you flop face first into the nearest soft surface. You vaguely register the sounds of everyone exploring the rest of the apartment. You find you don’t care what else there is in this shitty place, the novelty of new places wore off after the fifth time you moved.

You feel the cushion shift as someone else sits, you don’t look up. A hand rubs the top of your back, you think it’s Yosuke’s.

“You don’t have to push yourself, you know.”

You grunt and roll onto your back, displacing his hand. “I do.”

You watch Yosuke’s eyebrows furrow. “Why?”

“We can’t leave. That would be just about the worst course of action to take.” Your gaze wanders to the ceiling. “It’s not just because I’m afraid that if we leave, I won’t come back here.”

“Are you scared that your shadow might feel rejected?”

You close your eyes. “...something like that.”

Chie rounds the corner a minute later, says they found a bed. It’s big enough for three. You sit up and throw her a smile as she calls for the rest of the group. They’re no doubt arguing over who's going to rest there.

They file in, a huge clump, and each take a seat on the floor. Yukiko clears her throat and speaks. “We found a bed in the other room. There’s another, much smaller, mattress up on the loft, it should fit two at most. Besides that, there’s an armchair and a couch down here. Someone might have to sleep on the floor. We didn’t find anything else in the closets either, just some sheets and blankets.”

Chie balks. “No way. I’m not sleeping on the floor.”

Rise scowls. “Me neither.”

A hush falls over the group, you know that no one is really willing to volunteer to try and brave the wood panelling that covers hard concrete. An idea comes to you; you stand and pull off a cushion. You’re met with the backside of a pull out bed. You smile in triumph as you force Yosuke off the other side of the couch.

Everyone is in awe when you present the bed in it’s full glory. It’s only when Yukiko starts to clap and everyone joins that you realize a good chunk of the team has probably never seen a real pull out couch before.

After finding a sheet and some blankets, you lay claim to the couch. Rise makes a joke about joining you but you know she is adamant on taking the large bed in the back room. She grabs Naoto’s arm and practically begs the other to join her. You throw them a piteous look as Rise states that it’ll be just like a sleepover. Yukiko and Chie settle on the upstairs mattress. Kanji takes the armchair. You offer to share the couch with Yosuke and Teddie before the latter starts to chatter about sharing with the ladies. 

You fall asleep soon after everyone settles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm done with my freshman year of college woo. a mini chapter that was going to be part of the next one but i wanted to keep it sorta separate


	5. floor twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the shadow shifts to press herself closer, you catch her eyes move to the rest of the group; they narrow. She steps back, throws her arms behind her back, and arches her chest out. She trains her gaze on you and smiles a sickly saccharine grin. “Would it be too much to ask to have you all to myself, Senpai?” She bats an eyelash.

You awake to the sounds of people milling about the room, it’s something you haven’t heard since you were really really little. You curl your body towards the warm spot against you. There’s a small titter of laughter. You curl closer.

“Partner’s up.”

You groan. “No, ‘m not.”

Another chuckle. “Yes, you are. Now get up, we already let you sleep in a little.”

You retaliate by pressing your face into what you later find out to be the side of his thigh and groan louder. 

Chie offers you a can of Mad Bull when you sit up a few minutes later. She says it’s from your collective pack of supplies. You accept gratefully.

“Y’know, Senpai,” Naoto muses from a nearby table. “I never would’ve pegged you as the type who was difficult to wake.”

You sent them a small smile. “I hate mornings.” They laugh.

You set off shortly after gathering all your things, Yukiko pats your hair down with a laugh right before you turn into the hallway. It’s three more floors before you get to another landing. It smells of cheap perfume and sweat. The wallpaper sparkles in the light. You turn towards the door. You already know whose shadow it’s going to be.

Rise.

A huge cloud of perfume hits you when you open it. Your eyes water. There’s not much to the inside of the room; the walls are covered in thick purple curtains. Besides that, there’s a stage with a pole stationed in the middle. A pair of long needles rest against the bottom of the platform. Rise’s shadow, clad in a black and white striped bikini greets you with an overly enthusiastic hello from it. Her hair is tied in a single high ponytail; the long white ribbon that ties it frames her body as she steps down to press up against you.

“I knew you’d come.”

As the shadow shifts to press herself closer, you catch her eyes move to the rest of the group; they narrow. She steps back, throws her arms behind her back, and arches her chest out. She trains her gaze on you and smiles a sickly saccharine grin. “Would it be too much to ask to have you all to myself, Senpai?” She bats an eyelash. 

It would. You tell her as much and she gives you a pout. 

“I should’ve known,” she sighs. “I had hope it’d be different but, ah well. You really are the same as them.”

Shadow Rise starts to circle the group. She moves her arms up the back of her neck, throws the white ribbon curled around her ponytail over both shoulders. It slides, soft, against the curves of her flesh, compliments her bikini. 

“Y’know, sometimes I wonder what you’re really like. You always listen to our problems; you’re so patient and quiet. So I wonder what you think about, what you don’t like, what annoys you. Nothing seems to faze you. I wonder if it’s all just an act.”

You don’t know what to say. She continues. “But it’s so hard to talk to them alone. Their lap dog gets so huffy when he’s not by Senpai’s side. It’s honestly so aggravating! Like, I just want to have Senpai all to myself and he acts like it’s the end of the world!” Her eyes flit across the group; she lingers a tad longer on Yosuke before turning her attention to you. She smiles, bright and open. “Aaanyway~ They’re dying to talk to you, y’know. They told me to tell you that.”

You nod. 

The shadow pauses, her smile is gone. “You can’t leave here,” she tells you simply. “I don’t know what would happen if you do but I do know that this place will cease to exist.”

“What would happen to our Personas?” You can’t help but to ask.

“Gone.”

You thought as much. “Can you tell us how many floors are left?”

“Twenty.”

“Ah, then we probably shouldn’t keep them waiting for too long.”

Rise’s shadow grins, rubs her shoulder purposely against your arm as she crosses the room. You follow. “You really shouldn’t. They’re getting nervous.” She tugs a corner of the tapestry up and exposes a door. You ruffle her hair as you open it. She pulls you into a tight hug. “Take care of yourself, Senpai. We’re always here to listen to the real you no matter what.”

“Thank you.”

She arches her chest out towards you and gives a small wave when you step through into the hallway. You return it. 

Rise throws you a smile when everyone files out of the room and then turns her attention to Kanji. “As strange as this sounds, I really liked her bikini. Think you can make me one?”

Kanji grimaces. “Pretty sure they sell swimsuits at Junes. Just find one there.”

Rise stomps her foot, sends him a look of total outrage. “The material there is so flimsy! You honestly can’t expect me to wear one of those!”

When Yukiko starts to laugh, you can’t help but join.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not entirely happy with the dialogue in this but i've already changed it from what it originally was. i figure i'll post it now and maybe edit it once i've moved on


	6. floor twenty five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twenty fifth floor is swelteringly hot. Steam pours out from under the door in the hall; the wallpaper reaches towards the ceiling as if the ground offends it.

Kanji face warps into a frown as you make it up the next few flights of stairs. “It’s my shadow we’re gonna meet next, yeah?”

Naoto nods. “It seems as if we’re meeting the shadows in the order opposite of when they showed up. We should be prepared to meet one every five floors.”

Yukiko perks up. “But that would leave one left over.”

“There may be another one on the top floor.”

You wonder if that’s what Rise’s shadow was referring to when she mentioned a lap dog.

The twenty fifth floor is swelteringly hot. Steam pours out from under the door in the hall; the wallpaper reaches towards the ceiling as if the ground offends it. 

“Ready?”

Everyone nods; Kanji’s is small and reluctant. You admire his strength.

You open the door.

Steam hits you like a slap in the face, threatens to push you down and robs you of your visibility. 

“I’ve been waaaiting for your arrival!” A voice greets. It’s Kanji’s shadow; you could never forget that flirtatious inflection. You spare a glance to the blond boy behind you. His face is twisted in a horrible grimace. He looks like he wants to say something. He refrains.

You turn your face towards the inside of the room and step through the threshold. The floor is a mix of wood and tile; the centre is covered by a decorative red carpet. Crates rest along the far wall in a corner. A red sword sits innocently atop them, it’s blade eerily reminiscent of flames. Rows of flags hang from the wooden walls.

You can feel yourself overheating.

Kanji’s shadow stands in the middle of the room wearing only a red fundoshi decorated with orange flames. His arms are thrown out in what could be construed as a welcoming gesture. He looks positively enthralled as he tugs his knees in close, moves his hands to rest atop his thighs. 

Waves of heat rush over you, sweat beads across the back of your neck. Next to you, Yukiko throws her hair over her shoulder in an attempt to get it off of her neck. You spare her a glance and she gives you a smile in return.

The shadow leers, gaze rakes over everyone in the group. You feel violated. You think you feel Naoto reaching for their gun to your left. 

The tension is stifling. You want the shadow to say something, anything. 

He grins. 

“So many beautiful people have come to escort you, I’m jealous.”

The tension in the room increases with the heat. You resist shedding your coat and keep your eyes trained on the shadow that moves in front of you. He approaches you, throws an arm over your shoulder and leads you a few steps away from the group. You can hear the click of metal behind you, the safety on Naoto’s gun or perhaps the shift of a knife from one hand to another, you’re not sure. 

You’re not fond of the arm carelessly tucked over your shoulders, you’re not fond of the heat but there’s something in the way the shadow looks at you afterwards that you’re curious about. A reverent glance, like all he want is your acceptance. 

He speaks. 

“Behind such a lovely, strong visage hides something you’re afraid to let anyone know.” The shadow’s eyes gaze into yours and he sees, sees straight through you. “It’s understandable. You’re our leader, our senpai. You have to be in control or the whole team falls apart, right?”

You nod, small and jerky. 

“Wrong.” 

“What?”

“You’re wrong,” and he turns, turns you with him, to look at the rest of the team. They stand poised and ready to attack at the drop of a pin. Naoto keeps their gun trained to the ground, held in both hands, and waits for an order. Rise stands with Teddie towards the back of the group. Her eyes are full of determination; everyone’s are. 

The arm around your shoulders tightens. “Look at them, it’s wonderful~ Can’t you just feel the power coming from them? They’re all here to protect you, aren’t they?” Kanji’s shadow presses his cheek against the side of your forehead. “They’ll all sooo strong, it gets me excited!”

“I’m afraid I’m kept far longer than I should’ve.” The shadow sweeps his other arm out in a grand flourish, turns and steps towards the wall behind you. You follow him with your eyes as he presses his hand flat against the wall and pushes. There is a click and the sound of tearing as if the wood paneling is only made of paper. His hand curls around an inset knob and swings the door out into the awaiting hallway. 

You can’t move. The heat sits hard on your shoulders, weighs you down, keeps your feet rigid against the ground even as Kanji’s shadow smiles and waves his hand to beckon you.

You can hear the sound of shuffling from behind you and then there’s another weight across your shoulders. It’s different than the shadow’s, less foreboding. Yosuke draws you forward, pays little mind to the shadow that blows a kiss to you when you pass through the door. 

His face is tight and he doesn’t stop moving, doesn’t take his arm off you until you hit the next floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a while. i'm working slowly for now, trying to get around a bit of a rut but i promise i'm working! feel free to come bother me at my tumblr (fay-fluorite). i've got some doodles of the shadows if anyone's curious of the exact designs
> 
> anyways like the last chapter, this one was a bit of a struggle. i may comb over the dialogue at some point and change it slightly. i'm hoping the next chapter won't be as hard to write.


	7. floor twenty six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You hate it. You hate feeling this way, helpless and guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was tough?? i've been trying to shake this writers block for a while and i managed about halfway through this chapter. super sorry about the wait, i've just been busy with a con and whatnot (as i post this during con weekend lmao). anyway, enjoy, this chapter's longer than the others.

You spend a lot of time on the landing of the twenty sixth floor, curled around yourself as you lean against the wall. Yosuke stands next to you, remains even when most of the group offers to find another room to occupy for the night. The heat is no longer there but you can feel it linger even after you shed your coat and fold it neatly to rest next to you. 

Yukiko slides down beside you, tucks her skirt neatly underneath her legs as she sits. You throw a glance in her direction, nothing more. “Souji-kun, I believe we’re strong.” It takes a bit for her words to sink in. 

“We’re strong because of you. You helped us, all of us, when we faced our shadows. You watched us face our greatest insecurities and never judged us. You let us pour our hearts out to you and accepted us without failure. So I want you to know that it’s alright. You don’t have to be strong for us.” 

She shifts, stands. “It’s alright to rely on us.”

You don’t watch her walk out the door. She’s stronger than you’ve ever seen her before. 

You stay there for what feels like hours and you stay when the rest of the team returns, tells you the room they found has a few futons. Naoto says they can carry the armchair into the back room, set up the futons there too, so that you can be alone. You don’t know what you want.

You remain in the landing after the group splits, back pressed into the wall, knees curled into your chest. 

Yosuke stays as well, arms crossed. He shifts, shoes squeaking against the floor. There’s a small sound as he clears his throat. “She’s right.”

You don’t answer.

“It sucks, doesn’t it?” The sudden question surprises you, you don’t know what to say. “I mean, it’s not just your shadow attacking you, it’s all of ours. That’s why we want to help. That’s what friends are for, right Partner?”

It’s weird, you think, to have Yosuke fussing over you, as gentle as it is. You don’t want to deal with this right now, no matter how nice the gesture is.

“Ah, I get that. It’s just,” you pause, think of how you want to word your next thought and then decide against it. “Would you hug me if I needed comfort?” 

You look up, catch his eye, and grin. He makes an aborted sound. “D-dude! I told you last time, that stuff’s for girls!”

He reacts exactly how you thought and that alone is reassuring. You laugh and when he returns the gesture, you can feel the tension melt, just slightly.

You move to gather your coat and sword. Yosuke catches your attention, holds it, when you push open the door to the hall. Something in his gaze tells you that, while dropped for the time being, this conversation isn’t over.

You find Teddie sitting outside the first door on the left. He stands to greet the two of you with a bright wave. “Yuki-chan wanted me to wait out here for the two of you.”

You thank him.

Inside, everyone seems to be riffling through their pockets. You’re not entirely sure why until Chie pulls out a package of meat gum, way too triumphantly for your liking, and announces that it’s the only food she has and does anyone want some, it’s good!

You keep your mouth shut and listen to the voiced disgust from the rest of the group. When she turns to you, you politely decline. You’ve tried it before and you can say, without a doubt, that it was the worst thing you’ve ever tried (besides Mystery Food X of course).

Rise sits primly on the couch as she starts to look through the collective supply bag, looking for anything worthwhile to eat. You make your way over to her, give her a smile, and she offers you the pack. You place your things on the small table next to you as you sit.

There’s not much inside, a few cans of varying soda, some bottle of water, and the soup you just recently bought from Tanaka’s Amazing Commodities. The top is labelled with the date you received it, you remember writing it only a few days prior. Other than that, you find a few small bags of Tater Longs and a bar of milk chocolate Naoto gave you a few weeks before. You report your findings to the rest of the group.

You feel like apologizing for keeping everyone here for as long as you have. Instead, you keep quiet. You imagine you’d get another lecture about how they’re here for you and you really can’t deal with that at the moment. You know, you know they’re here for you, they’re here to help you get through this but you feel so guilty about it. It’s your fault everyone came here, it’s your fault you’re trapped and that fact sits tight against your chest, presses against your lungs.

You hate it. You hate feeling this way, helpless and guilty. You can start to feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack. 

You vaguely hear Kanji and Yosuke discussing how to heat the soup or if they’re just going to have to deal with it being room temperature. Kanji turns to face you, asks you something you don’t register. You can feel yourself starting to hyperventilate and all you can do is stand abruptly and make your way out of the main room.

You end up in a small side room, back pressed to the door. Your breathing is rough and loud, you can hear your heartbeat pounding in the backs of your eardrums. You’re hyper-aware of every little thing going on outside your little space and when you feel the tears start, you shove your face against your knee.

Your thoughts are swimming around your head, you can’t concentrate on any one. You can feel yourself start to overheat but you’re glad for the layers, you don’t know how much worse it’d get without the comforting weight. 

You sit there, shaking and crying, for what feels like hours.

A feeling of numbness washes over you when you finally calm your breathing. Numb and completely drained, you want to sleep. Your head is pounding.

There’s a slight knock on the door. You can’t tell who it is, you really don’t care. There’s the clatter of something being placed on the floor right outside.

“Senpai?” 

Naoto.

“You don’t have to come out right now. I’m leaving a small portion of soup and a water outside of the door. Please try to eat.”

You wait until the footsteps start to recede before pushing open the door slightly. You grab the water first, nearly down the whole thing before focusing on the small bowl of soup. A small plastic spoon sits neatly next to the bowl. You think they must have found them in one of the cupboards, washed them before trying to divide up the soup as evenly as possible. You wonder what else there is in the small apartment. Is there running water?

Somehow, that sounds even stranger than the fact that you’re literally going to meet the personification of your repressed feelings.

The thought makes you laugh a bit.

By the time you finish your portion of soup and make your way back into the main area, you’re feeling better. Your head still pounds and you think that you could sleep for the next five weeks comfortably, but your thoughts are clear and manageable now. 

You find everyone sitting around the small coffee table by the couch. Chie is the first to notice you. You wave just slightly and bring a finger up to your mouth in an effort to keep her from raising her voice, something she does when she’s excited. You gesture up to your forehead and make a face, hoping she’ll understand your movements enough without words.

She shoots you a confused look, lets it sink in. You watch her face change the minute it does. Yukiko throws her a questioning glance.

“Chie?”

“Ah, sorry! Souji-kun is back. I think they have a headache though.” You watch her frown as you nod, move to take a seat at a relatively empty spot between Yukiko and Rise. You let your eyes move across the group and take in the worried expressions of all your friends. 

No one says anything, you think they’re waiting for a sort of explanation. The only thing you offer is a short sorry. 

Yukiko presses her hands together atop the table and asks if you’re alright.

You nod again. “I’m fine, I promise.” You wonder how true that statement really is. For now, though, you’re calm and that’s a huge improvement from before. “Do we have any more water?”

Chie turns to rifle through the supply bag, her face scrunched up as she searches. She gives a small noise of triumph, no doubt toned down for your comfort, and tugs one out. You take the bottle gingerly and take a drink. You’re thirsty enough to down the entire thing in one go. You nearly do, you figure you cried out most of your body’s fluids anyway.

Naoto clears their throat from the other side of Rise. “We moved the armchair into the other room just in case you want to be alone for the night.”

You shake your head. “I think... I’d like to be with everyone. I need a bit of a distraction.” 

Just thinking about the silence is a bit frightening. You fear that if left alone your thoughts would get the better of you. 

You spend a few precious moments listening to the rest of the group joke about trivial things. It’s nice, comforting. It’s something you’ll definitely miss come March.

You set up the two futons on either side of the western style bed in the back room. The armchair rests in the far corner angled towards both the door and the bed. Kanji offers to once again to take it, keep guard as a just in case. You make a small protest, say that you could fall asleep anywhere but he insists that you take one of the futons. 

You’re too tired to complain further.

Rise flops on the bed the minute everyone’s done taking off their coats. Naoto folds them up, places them carefully on an empty bedside table. 

The conversation of sleeping arrangements continues with Rise firmly stating that she refuses to move. No one decides to fight that, it would be a losing battle.

You occupy the futon closest to the door, you’re nearly asleep when you hear Yosuke whisper that he’s going to take the other half. You make a small noise of agreement as you scoot over to make room.

He’s close, you think when he finally settles down next to you, nearly touching. You can nearly count every eyelash, every freckle that dots his face. You can feel the heat of his body next to you and when he shifts just slightly, his hand brushes up against your shoulder.

Yosuke stares back at you in the dim light of the room and it’s strange. It’s strange just how comfortable it is. You’re afraid to breathe, lest you break the spell.

You offer a small smile as you nod off, slow and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does the midnight channel have indoor plumbing? souji needs to consider that before they drink anymore water.
> 
> also, i'm very grateful for the nice comments that were left! i'm really bad at replying bc i never know what to say to them but honestly they made my day so!


	8. floor thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks atrocious.
> 
> You try your very best to not laugh at him.

You wake up, slow and warm, on your stomach with one arm pressed into the floor. The other lays heavy against Yosuke’s chest. He’s out cold, head smashed into the pillow. A puddle of drool lies innocently underneath an open mouth. A lock of his hair is plastered to his cheek with saliva.

You think it’s funny just how ungraceful he looks. 

You curl your cold arm under your chin, use it to prop up your head. No one else is awake, there’s no shuffling anywhere in the small apartment. You can only hear the sounds of breath.

It sounds like a symphony and the more you listen to it, the more content you feel. You’re not looking forward to scaling this unpleasant building any further. You want to stay here in the warm bubble of your friends’ comforting breaths. You keep your gaze forward, trained on the door, before letting your eyes fall closed.

You nod off again soon after. 

You awake to the sounds of people milling around. Yosuke still lays next to you, you can feel his weight under your arm. His breaths are slow and steady.

Near you, Teddie whines for five more minutes. Chie vehemently denies his request. In response, he gives off a louder whine, you think you can hear him kicking his legs on the bed. Yukiko makes a flippant comment about how no girl would want to date someone who throws tantrums. 

The noise stops abruptly. “Yuki-chan, that’s cold.”

Yosuke barely stirs, you think he’s probably completely used to Teddie’s antics by now. 

You spend a few more moments curled on the futon before extracting yourself.

Looking around, you spot Teddie perched on the bed. His bear suit is off, neatly folded on the bedside table along with everyone’s coats. He gives you a bright smile. “Good morning, Sensei! Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I did.” You give him a pat on the head, ruffle his hair. You never really noticed before but the pink plaid contrasts with his hair, his eyes, and makes him stand out even more as he grins up at you. It’s incredibly infectious. You smile back.

Chie and Yukiko greet you from the floor as they roll up the now unoccupied futon. They tell you the other three are sorting out supplies in the front area before asking if you want to wake up Yosuke. You’re slightly afraid of what might happen if Chie decides to take on that challenge. 

It takes a little shaking, and the help of Teddie, to finally get the brunet to stir. A quick comment, some sort of remark about how he’s the last one to wake and they’re leaving soon, gets Yosuke to to bolt upwards and nearly trip on the covers. He wavers on his feet, grabs at his head, no doubt dizzy from standing up too fast.

Yosuke’s white hoodie is askew; it hangs off one shoulder, bunched up around his left elbow. His hair is wild; a good chunk lays still glued to his cheek. The other half sticks nearly all the way up.

He looks atrocious.

You try your very best to not laugh at him.

You succeed. Barely.

Teddie and the others, on the other hand, don’t have the same luck. Yosuke looks positively mortified and you can’t help but give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and help to smooth down his hair to something more akin to his normal style.

You leave a bit later, after tidying up the room. Rise packs everyone’s coats into the supply pack; it’s not cold enough to really warrant their use (although it’s not warm enough for them to be uncomfortable).

You’re not too excited to continue the trek up this apartment building but the idea of this coming to a close is what fuels you up the next staircase. You hang back, let Yukiko take the spot in front. She walks with her head held high; her hair flows freely, framing her figure as she makes her way up. She holds herself with an air of regality, you can feel her determination with every step she takes. Chie stands at her side, just as strong. 

Their hands brush. Yukiko looks over at her and smiles. She links their hands together, deliberately, as if to say they’re in this together, come what may. An anchor point between the two girls.

After a bit of walking, you finally make it to the thirtieth floor. The floor is covered in red carpet, the walls draped in the same infuriating wallpaper as every other floor. The lighting is warm, comforting, and somehow eerie all the same moment; you think the similarity this floor has to Yukiko’s castle is what does it. 

You turn the knob to the next room. 

The first thing you notice is the red, red carpet that covers the tile floor, the red, red wallpaper, and the stairs in the back corner that lead up a red, red throne. The shadow stands out.

She’s decked in an elegant gold dress. The waist is adorned with a large silver flower; it looks to be made out of metal. A simple silver wrap is draped over her arms, a small tiara rests in her hair. A thin sword rests to the left of the chair she sits in.

She rises to meet you.

“We’re not that different, Souji-kun.”

The words are sudden and they catch you off guard.

The shadow practically glides down the stairs and over to you. She smiles, thin and sharp. “Wanting to leave and wanting to stay are two sides of the same coin, aren’t they?”

She moves with a flourish, throws her hands up, and continues. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Her voice practically drips with disdain. “Having everything decided for you?”

She turns just her head, gives you an oddly quizzical look, and you draw closer. Her voice is quiet when she speaks again. “How do you know what you want is really what you want? How can you tell if you’re giving in to others’ expectations or doing everything simply to spite them?” 

The shadow twirls again, establishes eye contact. “It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit, Souji-kun.” There’s a scary sort of determination in her eyes. “Don’t you hate being chained down, unable to decide that you want to do?”

“Yet you’re special. Everyone is falling all over you and it’s easy to see why, you help everyone so much. Why, even I decided to pour out everything to you. And you...”

Her smile grows, curls ever so more. 

“You refuse to tell anyone about what you feel. And because we’re so caught up in everything we’re going through, none of us have even stopped to think that you might be suffering. We’re so wrapped up in ourselves, why would we bother thinking of anyone else?”

The shadow pauses, takes a moment to look ever so pensive. “You like it. You like being needed.”

“But I wonder,” she turns, twists on her heel, and makes her way over to the back wall. “What will happen when we don’t?”

She pushes open the large doors that lead into the next hallway. Her dress glitters a violent gold as you draw closer, towards the exit.

As you pass, Yukiko’s shadow wraps her arms delicately around your shoulders, primly keeps her distance except for that single point of contact. She whispers to you softly. 

“Say hi to my Prince for me, alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter came a lot easier than the others which was a huge confidence boost lmao. maybe bc both yukiko and souji are fundamentally similar?? 
> 
> i encountered a small scare when i thought i lost the index cards with the designs (the only version with the colours too) but thankfully i found them in an old folder. hopefully i can write the next chapter faster than it takes me to second guess the colour palette.


	9. floor thirty five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She sighs, hops from one leg to the other. “The faster we move, the faster this’ll be over with! So let’s get going!” And you can’t argue, her enthusiasm is quite catchy. You find yourself with the barest hint of smile as Chie turns and tugs Yukiko through the hallway up to the next flight of stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate title: souji feels a lot of things and all of those things are Terrible

“We’re almost done with this lame place!”

Chie cheers on the next landing. Her hand is still curled around Yukiko’s.

Yukiko stands next to her, other hand cupped over her mouth loosely. You can make out the hints of a smile on her face as she looks at Chie. Her expression falters just slightly. “Ah, but Chie,” she starts admonishingly. “Your shadow is next, isn’t it?”

It’s almost humourous how quickly Chie’s face curls into a look of utter disgust. “Ugh. Don’t remind me.”

She sighs, hops from one leg to the other. “The faster we move, the faster this’ll be over with! So let’s get going!” And you can’t argue, her enthusiasm is quite catchy. You find yourself with the barest hint of smile as Chie turns and tugs Yukiko through the hallway up to the next flight of stairs.

You watch Yukiko’s shoulders shake in amusement as she trails beside. She shifts, knocks into Chie, who pushes back until the two are practically fused to each other.

Chie spends the next few floors alternating between bouncing from foot to foot and tugging Yukiko along. She’s ancy and it shows.

You can’t imagine what it’s like to see your shadow for a second time, to dredge up those bad memories. It’s hard just knowing that you’ll have to see yours once.

It must be worse to watch the manifestation of the fears and insecurities you’re trying to work on go after someone else. All you can think is how strong they are, how weak you are.

You shake your head and try your best to compartmentalize.

The thirty fifth floor is identical to the thirtieth. Same red carpet, same ugly wallpaper.

Chie stands next to you, shifts her weight from toe to toe. You watch her fingers curl and uncurl around the pink fringe of her shirt; she drums the digits of her other hand against Yukiko’s palm.

You press your hand against the cold wood of the door. “Is everyone ready?”

Chie nods, aggressively enthusiastic. “Let’s get this over with.”

The note of finality in her voice is what makes you turn the door knob.

The room is oddly similar to the second floor of Yukiko’s castle, from the steps lining the wall to the oddly shaped red carpet in the middle of the room.

Your first thought, is that Chie’s shadow seems different. In appearance, first and foremost, and in the air that surrounds her. She sits clad in what seems to be a tight black material, her hand curled around a trident; its hilt glows an angry red. Her hair is swept to the side and up.

You watch a smile begin to form as she stands. You vaguely make note of her outfit, a cropped black tank top with cutouts around her shoulders and a pair of form fitting shorts. Her boots appear to be steel-toed.

“I’d say it’s a surprise but I already knew you were coming.”

She shifts, squares her shoulders and distributes her weight evenly. A hand lays curled around her bare waist, the other holds her trident out at an angle. Her elbow is locked. It’s a powerful stance and matched with the overly haughty look in her eyes, you’re wary of what she might do next.

“It goes without saying, Souji-kun, that you’re probably the nicest one here.” The shadow makes a vague sweeping gesture. “I mean, you feed cats, play therapist to your closest friends, solve murder cases, and you’re top of our class. You’re practically perfect even if don’t think so yourself. ”

She drops her hand to her upper thigh and leans forward. “Your fatal flaw?” Chie’s shadow grins, slow and sure. Her gaze tears right through you.

“You care.”

A loud clatter resounds throughout the room as her weapon hit the floor. You flinch.

“You care way too much about what we would say if you ever told us your problems. And honestly?” She takes a few steps towards you. Her boots are entirely too loud, your heartbeat clatters in your ears. “I can’t help but ask myself, are you trying to protect us or yourself?”

The shadow takes in the way you place yourself, slightly in front of your friends as if you wish to direct her attention away from them. You’re tense as she sweeps her eyes over them and moves forward, just slightly.

Chie’s shadow stands in front of you now; her smile seems horrid, like she’s thoroughly enjoying herself, as she asks, “Is something wrong, Souji-kun?”

You feel sick.

You barely manage to keep your breath even as she keeps your gaze.

She laughs, throws her head back and practically cackles. “Are you curious, how I know this?”

She leans in to whisper to you. You can practically feel the curl of her lips against the shell of your ear as she sighs a small laugh.

“That’s a secret.”

The shadow turns, a black stain against the red, red room, and bends to retrieve her fallen weapon. The trident paints an angry red line against the black of her outfit, the tan of her skin. She swings a violent curve to pierce the tip into the floor and you can feel self-doubt crawling up in the back of your throat, swimming around the forefront of your mind, threatening to spill out onto the red, red carpet that covers the time ground.

The doors on the wall behind her open with the resounding crack of her trident and as she ushers you through, you can’t bring yourself to speak the words Yukiko’s shadow so kindly asked of you. But somehow, with the look Chie’s shadow gives you, you think she already knows.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit. this took longer than i had planned it to. this past month has been hard on time honestly. i started my second year of college and promised that i'd finish the fifth chapter of trust before i finished this one (y'know since the last update had been two years ago..... which will Not happen again) and i also had to finish up that fluri oneshot as well....
> 
> anyways, sadly and as always, updates will be strangely sporadic and always in the middle of the night lmao. i try to stick to a monthly schedule tho! hopefully college won't beat the shit out of that! anyways who's ready for the fortieth floor!!!


	10. interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend a lot of time on the thirty fifth floor.

Are you really enough?

Are you really enough to lead this team? Are you really strong enough to handle this? Are you really strong enough to handle what comes next?

You don’t know.

Your back hits the wall right outside of the doorway. Beside you, Chie rocks, a nervous metronome, and it distracts you enough to calm your breath just slightly. Her grip is tight against Yukiko’s, her lips are pursed tightly.

Teddie totters over to you and wraps his small arms around your waist. You’re grateful for the contact. Your arm feels numb where it rests atop his head; your other arm lies limp and heavy against your side.

You feel weak and disgusted in yourself. Aren’t you supposed to be the leader, the upperclassman, the teacher? This place has worn you down, reminded you of everything you’ve tried to push away for the sake of the team, and you’re scared.

You’re scared of losing the only bonds you’ve made in a long time. Inaba has changed you, shaped you to be the person you are now. And somehow, you’re not proud of yourself.

You’re disgusted.

You feel hollow and wrong.

The team stands as an anchor point all around you. Chie and Yukiko stand to your left, Rise to your front; she places her hand delicately over yours. The look she gives you is resolute. Kanji lingers to side of her, scratches at the back of his neck. He seems to be at a loss for words. You try your best to give him a small smile. Naoto stands, eyebrow sufficiently furrowed, on the other side of Rise. They appear to be deep in thought.

Directly to your right, Yosuke leans into the wall. His head is tilted back slightly towards the ceiling. He uncrosses his arms to lay his palm against your bicep. His touch is light, almost imperceptible through the layers you’re wearing.

You spend a lot of time on the thirty fifth floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a very quick update with something that i feel doesn't exactly fit in floor forty (and also the previous chapter had such a natural ending that i felt like adding this into it would take away?)
> 
> i am 1000 words into the next chapter (much longer than every other chapter o:), however i have not been having the greatest time at college rn so i apologize if it takes longer than a month. ): feel free to message me on tumblr @fay-fluorite (or look into my 'rr' tag for periodic updates on where i am) 
> 
> as a psa! the next chapter may feature a few touchy subjects and will be prefaced with content warnings


	11. floor forty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You came,” they whisper with the faintest hint of a smile.
> 
> “I can’t keep running from my problems.” And it’s the only thing you can bring yourself to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings include: minor violence, abandonment issues, mentions of neglect (?), depression, mentions of suicidal thoughts, and uh. i don't remember much else. feel free to lmk if you feel there's more to warn about.

You hear the fortieth floor approximately two landings before you actually arrive, something that seems akin to the cries of a flock of crows.

Your head hurts the further you go.

The top floor, when you finally open the floor to the hall, is just ugly concrete. Nothing decorative, no wallpaper, just ugly, ugly concrete.

You feel like screaming, and you would, if there wasn’t an ungodly wailing coming from an inner room.

The floor winds in on itself, a true maze, and it’d be impressive if it didn’t make that grating noise echo and layer on top of itself. It fluctuates in a strange pattern and you think you can almost make out words, a mantra of screeched cries.

‘Don’t leave, don’t leave,’ the noise echos.

And the more you listen, the more it sounds like you. A horrible bastardization of your own voice, like if you stayed up all night screaming at the top of your lungs.

You feel sick. Your head pounds.

You refuse to look at any of the others, keep your face stubbornly turned forward as you try to gather your bearings about the layout.

Only one door is present on the floor, you find. It sits, hidden, in the very interior of the maze. An overhead light swings on the opposite side of hall. Its light barely makes it to the door.

“Lay down your weapons,” you find yourself saying, eyes kept forward and trained against the ugly wood grain. You bend to place your sheathed sword against the wall adjacent. There’s a bit of hesitation that lingers in the air before the answering clatter of knives fall to rest on the hard concrete. The rest of the group follows in suit.

Yosuke lays a comforting hand between your shoulder blades. “Let’s end this, Partner,” he says when you catch his eye. You nod.

It’s eerily silent when you finally push yourself to turn the knob.

The room is small, a laughable excuse for a one room apartment, and torn apart, from the light fixture hanging by a single wire to the glass table smashed against the back corner. A western style bed, placed against the wall to your right, appears to be the most put together thing in the room; the headboard is smashed against the concrete wall. The dim lighting play tricks on your eyes and the shadows in the room seem to dance.  

The bed, you note as your eyes start to adjust to the lack of light, is occupied. A strange shape lays heavy, curled up into themself; a second shape, connected by a thin, inky line of darkness, hunches over the first.

A pair of golden eyes meet yours as the second shape turns their head.

The light flickers a notch brighter, or perhaps your eyes finally finish adjusting, and you can make out the two shadows much clearer.

Barely recognizable as the same, Yosuke’s shadow wears a cream long sleeve and loose light blue pants. His hair is shorter, unrulier, a red scarf hangs around his neck along with his trademark headphones.

His hand drops from your shadow’s shoulder to mid-thigh where a shuriken rests attached to a small leather band. He removes it and, with a small twist of the wrist, it’s enveloped in a small ring of wind. The air pushes outward and leaves a chakram nestled snugly against the hollow of his palm.

The room is tense, filled with an anxious atmosphere as he speaks. “Take one step forward and I’ll gut all of you.”

A hand, your shadow’s hand, lays curled around the thick of the other shadow’s red scarf. It tightens, knuckles white, and they frown. Their eyes are trained heavy on the curve of his jaw.

“No.”

They tug.

There’s a wet sound as Yosuke’s shadow instinctively reaches for his neck. His weapon hits the ground with a metallic crunch.

Your shadow keeps their eyes on the curl of his jaw, moves their hand to adjust the scarf to rest loose against the muscle underneath.

“No violence,” they whisper, voice hoarse and quiet. “They’re unarmed.”

All eyes are on your shadow as they turn to face you. Their hand remains stubbornly tangled in the red scarf Yosuke’s shadow wears.

They’re clad in pair of gray pyjama pants, a near replica of your favourite pair, and a black long sleeve shirt; a thick stripe of gray paints the middle. It’s large, too large, and hangs off their shoulders, pools around their wrists and hands.

You find yourself drawn to the look in your shadow’s puffy, red-rimmed eyes. Their skin is blotchy like they had been repeatedly scrubbing at their cheeks and nose.

“You came,” they whisper with the faintest hint of a smile.

“I can’t keep running from my problems.” And it’s the only thing you can bring yourself to say.

They nod and you spare a glance towards Yosuke’s shadow. He’s tense, eyes darting from you to the team and back to your shadow. The hand closest to you curls and uncurls around the fabric of his shirt absentmindedly and you know the only thing keeping him from attacking is your shadow. It’s a strangely unsettling thought, the fact that Yosuke wouldn’t hesitate to harm in order to protect you.

Beside you, Yosuke, the real one, lingers with just as much intense energy. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch him fiddling with his headphone cord.

You want to grab his hand, his wrist, anything, to just give yourself an anchor point. You’re sure he wouldn’t mind, not now, not when you’re suffering like this, anxious and about to have every little thing you’ve tried your best to stamp down and forget, thrown to the forefront of your mind.

You refrain.

Your shadow breathes a shaky sigh. “Still, you came. I’m glad, I wanted to speak to you.” They frown, an oddly contemplative look crosses their face. “All of you.”

You’re not surprised, that somewhere deep down, a part of you wants the team to know the things you struggle with, the things you find yourself bottling up. It’s not fair, you think, it’s not fair that you know practically every little insecurity they have. It’s not fair that no one knows anything about you.

You shadow echoes those thoughts, voices them to the room in a soft, raspy voice.

Their eyes fall closed, eyelids framing the heavy bags underneath. “I’m not used to this.”

The words aren’t much louder than an exhale but in the quiet room, they’re the loudest thing you’ve ever heard. Yosuke’s shadow’s free hand drops to rest on your shadow’s shoulder. He squeezes in a reassuring manner. Your shadow spares a small glance up at him, offers the barest hint of a smile.

Your hand itches where it rests stubbornly by your side. You can’t resist this time, the feeling of wanting to hold onto something to help ground yourself in reality. Your fingers end up curled around the sleeve of Yosuke’s white hoodie.

“I’m not used to this,” your shadow repeats, slowly, surely. “Having friends, I mean. I used to, when I was littler.”

They laugh. It sounds solemn and tired, wet and sad.

“It’s hard to keep up a meaningful relationship when you move around a lot. After a while, people stop calling, emailing. After a while, you stop trying.”

“My parents are always so busy with work, I got so used to an empty house. I mean, they love me and I know that but,” your shadow sighs, slumps further into the mattress. “It’s hard, sometimes, when they come home only to throw themselves back into their own work.”

“I’m scared.”

“I’m so goddamned scared. Of rejection, of never seeing any of you again, of being forgotten, of...” They trail off; their voice is shakey when they finally manage to speak again. “Of myself.”

Yosuke’s hand finds itself wrapping stubbornly around your own. You spare a small glance down at your joined hands. You feel numb and empty. The set of your shoulders refuse to relax.

“Sometimes, sometimes I find myself thinking, wishing, that I just. Didn’t exist.”

The room is quiet enough for you to hear your heartbeat thrum against the insides of your eardrums.

“It’d be so easy,” they whisper, and the admission seems to sit heavy in the small torn-up room. “To just fade away into the background, somewhere far from here. To just fall asleep and… never wake up. It’s something I used to wish for.”

“It’d certainly be easier on my parents if I never existed in the first place.”

There’s a shift in the air of the room. Yosuke’s shadow’s legs buckle; he ends up kneeling on the small sliver of mattress next to yours, his head comes to rest neatly against the crook of your shadow’s shoulder.

A melancholy softness lingers over your shadow’s face; their gaze shifts to the shadow resting against them, a hint of a smile rests upon their face. “Did you know that you’re the first person to call me special?”

Yosuke’s hand tightens around yours, mirrors the way his shadow’s moves to clutch desperately at your shadow’s shirt.

Your shadow rubs the back of their head, expression sheepish. “I never thanked you for that, did I?”

“It meant a lot to me, y’know? To know that someone thinks highly of me. I have to admit, it’s not something I’m really used to.”

“I’ve hated myself for so long that it’s hard to think of myself positively; I suppose it’s easier for someone else to.” They laugh. “It’s gotten better, a little bit, since I came here. You’ve all done wonders for my self-esteem and I’m extremely grateful for that.”

Their hand falls. “But sometimes, I relapse. These past months have been hard. Seeing my uncle and Nanako in the hospital-” They pause, it’s obvious they’re trying to school their expression into something presentable. “Has been hard, to say the least. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about everything that happened in November and blame myself for it. There wasn’t a day that I hadn’t felt like breaking everything in that goddamned house until I stopped shaking.”

Your shadow breathes, “Teddie.”

You feel him startle from behind you. “Y-yes?”

You shadow smiles softly, gently. “Thank you. For volunteering to stay with me until they come back, it’s nice to come back to someone in the house.”

Teddie perks, “You’re welcome, Sensei!”

“Thank you, all of you, for giving me a place to call home.”

You can feel your friends stepping towards you, even just slightly, a ring of soothing comfort surrounding you. You don’t know whether you feel safe or anxious.

You mostly feel numb and you know that there’s more, another terrible confession.

They breathe it in tandem with the beating of your heart, a soft whisper of, “I don’t want to leave.” You’re not entirely convinced you didn’t just say it yourself.

You can feel the swelling of your chest, the terrible lump in your throat. Your mouth feels dry and cracked, your cheeks are flushed a nervous red.

Your shadow scrubs their free hand across their eyes.

“I don’t want to leave,” they repeat, softly, hoarsely. Their voice breaks on the last syllable.

You don’t know how much more you can take.

Your shadow sits, remains, on the bed across from you. Their eyes are wet and red-rimmed. You can hear the catching of their breath, you can feel the lump in their throat and you just want this to stop.

You want this to stop, you want this to all stop. It’s the only thought going through your head as you watch your shadow curl into themselves and cry, as you watch Yosuke’s shadow pull yours into his chest. You register no sound, nothing but the sound of your own heart.

You don’t know what to do anymore.

Your hand tightens considerably against Yosuke’s before releasing it.

You step forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i apologize about the approx. two month wait between the last mini chapter to this one. school and depression/anxiety have been kicking my ass. luckily this is like 1000 words longer than like any of the other chapters so...... there will probably be like at least two more chapters bc a) i'm not done projecting my feelings onto souji and b) there are a few unexplained plot points i need to clear up. 
> 
> anyways happy thanksgiving i guess


	12. backlot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you turn, you’re greeted with the oddest sight you’ve ever witnessed and honestly you’ve been through countless dungeons, seen countless muscle men, terrifying leaf infants, but this?
> 
> This is odd.

Your shadow trembles when you slot them against your chest. 

Yosuke’s shadow watches, eyes sharp and cutting, from where you jostled him. Your shadow’s hand is still curled around his red scarf.

“You’re so strong,” he whispers to you, soft and sweet. “But even the strongest end up suffering.”

You bury your face in the shoulder of your shadow, feel them wrap a hesitant arm around your back. It’s a few seconds later when you feel another weight against your side. 

Yosuke’s shadow speaks, so quiet you can barely hear him. “Partner,” he breathes your nickname with so much reverence you almost don’t want to listen. 

“Partner, I’m so proud of you. You mean so much to all of us and-” His voices cracks and he breathes a heavy breath, “And it took a lot for you to tell us about this. You’re so strong. Just.”

“Just please don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

He laughs, slightly watery, as you stretch out your other arm and pull him into the embrace. 

“Jeez, you’re such a sap.”

From where your shadow rests, temple is pressed against your collarbone, you can feel them start to giggle. You can barely feel the hitched puffs of air hitting your skin through the layers of fabric covering you. You can’t help but smile as you take a deep breath. 

“You are me and I am you.”

And that’s all you say. 

They look up at you and smile as they fade into light and disappear. “Thank you.”

You can feel the familiar weight of Izanagi return to the back of your mind, and your shoulders relax for the first time in months.

Yosuke’s shadow leans into the edge of your embrace to whisper in your ear.

“Hey, Partner, what do you think about afros?”

You can’t help but bark out a short laugh as he too starts to fade. Light soon fills the room behind you, it’s brighter than anything you’ve ever seen before. 

When you turn, you’re greeted with the oddest sight you’ve ever witnessed and honestly you’ve been through countless dungeons, seen countless muscle men, terrifying leaf infants, but this?

This is odd.

Standing, or rather, floating in front of all your friends seems to be evolutions of their personas. A shock of red clothing and long blonde hair for Naoto, a rainbow coloured rocket complete with cape and crown for Teddie. Before Rise stands the face of a telescope surrounded by what appears to be a galaxy. Kanji looks up at a buff bug-like man; his arms are huge, hands even bigger. A solid gold figure stands in front of Yukiko, a black and golden warrior graces Chie.

You’re left slack-jawed, however, at the sight of Yosuke’s. The long coat, the discordant colour scheme, the stupid flaming afro; it’s hilarious and you can’t help the laughter that bubbles up your throat. Yosuke looks offended but you watch the edges of his mouth curl up ever so slightly. 

“He looks cool, Partner.”

“ _ Susano-ou _ was cool, Yosuke.”

He bristles. “What, and Jiraiya wasn’t?”

You avert your gaze and try your best to hold back laughter as you watch everyone’s new personas fade away.

“Jiraiya,” Naoto starts and all eyes snap to them. “Jiraiya left much to be desired.”

“What the hell does that mean!?”

Naoto pushes up their glasses and you can catch the start of a grin on their face.

Teddie smiles wide and innocently. “I think it means Jiraiya was ugly!”

Yukiko loses it. She leans heavy against Chie’s shoulder and just laughs. The mere sound is refreshing and you end up laughing along. 

You laugh harder at the look of betrayal that crosses Yosuke’s face. 

It doesn’t take long for the whole group to join in and it’s nice, the feeling of relief that washes over you when you finally realize that this ordeal is over.

Rise is the first to throw her arms around you when you make your way back to the group. Teddie toddles over to you and, with a grandiose flourish, affixes his arms around your side. Soon you’re surrounded, you feel warm and surprisingly content for the first time in weeks. 

The trek back down the building is considerably easier. Teddie casts a simple traesto and you’re outside in the blink of an eye. 

The apartment building vanishes like it was merely a mirage, fades slowly into the fog of the television world. You feel a sense of relief the more hazy it gets.

Yosuke throws an arm over your shoulder, the weight comforting, and you continue to watch until there is nothing left but faint gray stretching out for miles. It’s something you feel compelled to see; you’re afraid that if you don’t watch, it won’t truly be gone.

You give a small nod when it’s over, well and truly over, and turn towards the backlot. 

Rise and Teddie begin to guide the group back with no hesitation.

You are exhausted, drained of every single ounce of energy; there is no amount of sleep that will manage to make you feel rested enough. Yosuke keeps his arm casually thrown over your shoulder and doesn’t complain when you lean into his side. 

“Tired?” 

You breathe out the beginnings of a laugh, “Tired doesn’t even begin to describe it, Yosuke. I could fall asleep right now.”

He shoots you a small grin. “You gonna need help getting home?”

“Ahh,” you breathe, throwing a hand over your heart. “My sweet knight! Ever the helpful one!”

He laughs and knocks his hip into yours. “What the hell does that even mean?”

You smile. “Hey, Yosuke.”

“Hmm?”

“You should come over tonight. At least for dinner.”

“...yeah. Yeah, okay.” There’s a small pause before he adds a quick, “You should let me cook.”

“Hmm.” You mock a thoughtful gesture. “I’ll look forward to our plentiful feast of hard-boiled eggs then.”

Yosuke retracts his arm from your shoulder and shoves you.

“What the hell?! I’ve been working hard to learn how to cook! I like to think I can follow a recipe fairly well!”

You just laugh. 

It’s a few more minutes until you finally return to the backlot. Chie stretches and grins at the team before letting out a resounding whoop of joy.

“It’s over!”

Rise and Teddie cheer from beside her. 

Kanji, without thinking, envelops Yukiko in a huge hug.

Naoto nods with a small smile before clearing their throat. “We should all get together when you’re feeling a bit better, Senpai. There are some things I’d like to discuss.”

You nod. You likewise still have a few questions flitting around your head, but they’re right, now’s not the time for it. Everyone’s hungry and tired. 

You don’t linger long in the backlot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, this is not dead. i bring this offering at 4 am, which would be more surprising but i literally always post fics and updates in the middle of the night lmao. as for the end of this fic, there will be at probably two more chapters. possibly a post-canon epilogue who knows ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> feel free to check out my tumblr @fay-fluorite. i keep all my reverse redux stuff underneath my rr tag if you're ever wondering if i've given up on this story (chances are i haven't but you can read about me complaining), i sometimes post progress pics of cool lines i like. i'll probably be posting pics of all the shadow designs at some point


End file.
